Why You Keep Settling for Less

Why do we keep settling for less than we deserve in relationships?

It’s not necessarily because we don’t know any better. It’s because somewhere along the way, “less” became familiar.

The Psychology of Familiarity

We naturally gravitates to what feels familiar, because what feels familiar often tends to feel safe. Even if that “safe” is chaotic, inconsistent, or painful.

If you grew up around emotional neglect, inconsistency, or love that had to be earned, your nervous system learned to find comfort in tension. Now, peace feels unfamiliar. Chaos feels like home.

And so when we find ourselves in a situation where the connection mirrors something we’ve always known, we find ourselves choosing it because there is this illusion that it feels “right” because it’s familiar, not because it’s good.

And so we settle because:

• peace feels uncomfortable

• you’re scared to be alone

• you think this is all your deserve

• you think this is the best you can get

• you fall in love with potential

You stay because “it’s not that bad” to leave, but you’re also not happy. You’re shrinking and losing your spark.

But loving someone shouldn’t require you to abandon yourself. You cannot grow into the higher version of yourself while keeping someone who only loves the unhealed version of you.

Where It All Comes From

Many of these patterns can be traced back to our early childhood experiences, where we first learned how to love and connect. This shapes our attachment style.

Especially if you resonate with anxious attachment, you may subconsciously chase what triggers you—hoping that this time, someone finally chooses you.
This creates a cycle of:

Trigger → Chase → Temporary Validation → Disappointment → Repeat\

You’re not staying because it’s right.
You’re staying because it’s familiar.

It’s Bigger than Just Relationships

There’s a saying: “How you do one thing is how you do everything.”

And the way you settle in love often mirrors how you settle in life. Mediocore friendships. Dead end jobs. Shrinking dreams.

You convince yourself this is all you get—when in reality, it's just all you've allowed. The patterns you repeat aren’t your fault, but healing them is your responsibility.

Understanding where your behavior comes from gives you power. Because once you see the pattern, you can stop repeating it.

You can rewrite the story. You can choose better.

You can choose you—and everything you actually deserve.

Watch the full video on Youtube→ here

Thank you for showing up this week, I hope you see you in the next. In the meantime…stay hot. ✨

Xoxo,

It Girl Playbook