These self help books changed my life

(and I hope they can change yours also)

Author

It Girl Playbook
July 08, 2025

When we think about leveling up, we often jump straight to the physical glow-up.
But in reality, it all starts with the mindset shift—the mental glow-up.

And there’s nothing quite like reading (or even listening to audiobooks) to help you level up from the inside out.

And so with that said, here are some of the most life changing books I’ve ever read- and I hope they can change your life, too.

Why Men Love B*tch by Sherry Argov

I made a youtube video on this book, you can watch it here.

This is a must read for people pleasers- and especially a must read for those who think that they can only receive love when they are people pleasers.

The title of the book may sound misleading, but this isn’t about being rude or being mean (everyone should be kind). This is being about not being a doormat that gets walked all over. It’s about how not being overly nice or always available, and how that actually makes people respect you more in relationships.

The author interviewed hundreds of men in the making of this book, who agree with the principles she shares, that basically teaches you how to stop being a pushover when it comes to relationships. This book gave me the wake up call needed to stop over explaining, over accommodating, and overextending. It gave me permission to respect myself more, and funnily enough, the more I did, the more others did too.

I now carry aspects of the principals in my daily life, not only in relationships but in all aspects of life which has dramatically changed my life, and I hope that it can help improve your relationships as well.

You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay

You watch the video recap of this book here.

People always say to think positively and it was always something that I was like “yeah, ok. be optimistic, love yourself, whatever, its not that serious.”

But this book really showed me the significance of it by talking about the consequences of how thinking poorly about yourself can manifest physically. You can literally make yourself sick from your thoughts alone. For example, for those of you who grew up having to predict everyone else’s emotions just to feel safe and can now sense the moment someone’s mood shift…how are your digestive issues?

The book helps connect the dots between your past and present self. It’ll help you realize how many of your emotional patterns, like self doubt, guilt, and/or shame are actually learned, and how you can unlearn them to quite literally…..heal your life.

This was the one book that really forced me to be mindful of how I think and speak about myself. They have the power to make you sick, and make you ugly..yes I’ve never broke out more than when I was angry at the world…and they have the power to make you prettier and heal you. Some of us are motivated by the benefits, others to avoid the consequences and this book does a really good job at doing both.

Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller

This book breaks down why you act the way you do in relationships, like whether you get clingy, shut down, or feel safe — and how it usually goes back to your attachment style.

Even if you don’t read this book, I encourage everyone to learn your attachment style to not only understand yourself, but also allows to stop confusing anxiety with chemistry. This will clarify so many unanswered questions you have when it comes to relationships and connecting with others. Why you self sabotage or push people away once things start getting good. Why you constantly need to reassurance otherwise you get anxious.

One thing that I love particularly about this book, is that not only does this help you learn about yourself and your own attachment style, it helps outline the relationship dynamic of different attachment styles and how they interact with each other. For example, avoidant with an anxious or anxious with secure, etc. That way you can easily identify when you find yourself in an unhealthy dynamic.

How To Win Friends and Influence People

You watch the video recap of this book here.

I’ve always thought that in order to be charismatic and to have influence, was to be interesting and required me to be burn charming…something I wasn’t. But this book taught me that you can make more friends in 2 weeks by being interested in other people than be 2 months trying to get other people interested in you.

From several stories that highlight the same principles, it literally taught me the art of being charismatic, the art of winning friends and influencing people, in something so simple but so profound that it really did change my life:

  • Be genuinely interested in others,

  • And give genuine compliments.

The book breaks down the psychology behind it and yes, it sounds so simple, but it has completely shifted the way I interact with people. And as a result, has dramatically improved the way I build connections. There is a reason why this book was released in 1936 but is still a bestseller to this day. 

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

We care about the wrong things and we care about them too much. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, feeling like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders and everyone is watching you, this book will help you realize that you don’t have to care about everything.

This book made me realize how much of my stress came from trying to control everything- how people see me, how things turn out, how fast I “level up.” It taught me to importance of detachment, to let go or else I’d be dragged. And through all of this, the author does quite a good job at differentiating the difference between detachment and dismissive. You’re not avoiding or to not care about anything, it’s more so prioritizing the things that really matter.

Many of us may be under the illusion that happiness comes from adding more. Try harder. Do more. Make more money. Have more friend. Achieve more things. This is probably the opposite of many self help books. Don’t try. Give up. Be wrong. Lower your standards. Stop believing in yourself. But the author does it in a way where..it kind of makes sense. True happiness and freedom comes from knowing what to care about it, what not to care about, and this book will teach you to do just that.

Anything Robert Greene

There’s something so powerful about understanding who we are on a human nature level because this level of awareness gives us the power to be in control of it rather than let it control us. Laws of Human Nature reminds me of the saying that your greatest victories doesn’t come from defeating others, but from mastering yourself. It reminded me that power isn’t about outsmarting other people, sometimes it’s about learning how to regulate yourself. So that you can intentionally respond rather than emotionally or impulsively react.

The 48 Laws of Power and The Art of Seduction are the two more well known books, one of which is actually banned in prisons because it’s believed to be that dangerous. Power and seduction gets such a bad rep, but like money, power and seduction are neither good or bad, they are only tools. What you choose to do with it determines whether or not it is good. You can choose to use it to better navigate relationships, in business, in friendships, or simply to protect yourself from those who do have poor intentions.

We have a few videos exploring each of these books on the channel, if you’re interested:

Becoming Supernatural by Dr. Joe Dispenza

There’s a ton of great books on manifesting and all, but nothing to this level where it’s broken down on a neurological and scientific level. They say that we only use 10% of our brain, and quite honestly we really do underestimate how powerful our minds are.

Dr. Joe Dispenza shares his story about an accident that happened to him, which required him to get this near impossible surgery. He basically said no thank you, I’m gonna heal myself with my mind and that’s exactly what he did. It sounds almost gimmicky, but this book explores the biology and the science of manifestation and quite literally, becoming supernatural. This is a heavy read but no book in my opinion comes close.

We’re told that we’re shaped by our thoughts, beliefs, and experiences. And while that is true, the book explain that although your past may define who you are today, but it doesn’t have the power to define your future. You can literally rewire who you are, how you feel, and what you attract just by changing what you decide to focus on. It taught me how to break the habit of who I was to become whoever I wanted to be. I hope that it can do the same for you.

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Genuinely, I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it weren’t for these books. They have quite literally changed my life, and I hope that I can share them with you today with the hopes that it can change yours also.

Thank you for showing up this week, I hope you see you in the next one. In the meantime…stay hot. ✨

Xoxo,

It Girl Playbook

P.S. If you want to watch this newsletter is video form, I have a youtube video uploaded here. :)

P.P.S. If you’re interested in purchasing any of these books, these are direct links. I earn a small commission on each sale if you choose to use it, at no additional cost to you. Thank you for supporting my work. ❤️