Feeling behind, be a B*tch, and "If He Wanted To He Would".

Ask It Girl Playbook:

Q: Hi, I've been feeling a little hopeful lately. I'm 23, never had a boyfriend, had a first kiss nor slept with a guy. Matter of fact, I've actually never done anything even basic such as holding hands with a guy I like. I'm starting to feel as if I'm behind in life since I do not have these experiences.

A: Never feel bad for having high standards, and valuing yourself to not settle into a relationship with someone that doesn’t serve you. 

Everyone has their own journey, when it comes to their career, passions, and relationships. The journey may be different, but different is not bad.

Some people are dating for hookup culture, others are dating for marriage. It’s unfair to yourself if you compare your experiences to others when your values are totally different.

As long as you are comfortable at the pace you are moving, then that’s all that matters. 

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Stop Being a D*mn Doormat

My dating life completely changed when I stopped trying to be the nice girl that was doing the most to please a man. The book “Why Men Love B*tches” completely shifted my mindset and helped me realize that it is not only okay to prioritize my own self interests, but it actually works in my favor when I have boundaries.

The only people who like people pleasers, aka “doormats” they can walk all over, are the ones that are taking advantage. 

Being a b*tch doesn’t mean that you’re being mean to everyone, it simply means that you allow yourself to have standards and stay true to your boundaries. Being a b*tch will not only protect you from leeches, it’ll also level up your dating game. 

The doormat lets her man get away with everything, and therefore her man doesn’t respect her and does whatever he wants because he knows that she’ll never leave.

A b*tch gets the princess treatment, and pushes a man to get his sh*t together because he knows that she won’t tolerate anything less. 

Stop being a people pleaser, stop being a doormat, and starting becoming a b*tch. You deserve princess treatment also.

Why the saying “if he wanted to, he would” is toxic for those who’s primary love language is act of service.

“If he want to, he would,” is a statement that is thrown around quite often.

This is true in many scenarios, and something I strongly believe in. However, this is also something that some ladies would say in order to excuse themselves from communicating their needs.

This is ESPECIALLY true for my girlies who’s love language is act of service.

I recently did a deep dive on love languages, and it turns out that those who has acts of service as a love language, our toxic trait tends to be procrastination and not asking for help.

We believe that if someone truly cares about us, they will do something without asking us, because we would do the same. With that mindset, we tend to avoid asking, almost to test our partner to see whether or not he would do it.

We must understand that people were raised differently, grew up with different values, and therefore they love differently.

Different is not wrong.

When you’re in a relationship with someone that genuinely care about you, they will try to make you happy by providing you the love you want. In order for them to do so, you must communicate it.

So instead of focusing on differences, I personally would look at effort.

Communicate your needs, and then focus on the effort your partner makes to fulfill your needs. Their effort will tell you how much or how little they care for you.

xoxo,

It Girl Playbook 💋